Stepping Back
by Floopygirl
Summary: postDeath Knell tag. A series of encounters in the infirmary. SJ UST.


Disclaimer: not mine

* * *

Jack paused outside the door to Sam's room, fighting back a wave of tiredness. While Carter had been sleeping, he'd returned to the Alpha Site to join the search for more survivors – over fifty men were still missing. He'd stayed there to help as long as he could, but Hammond had requested his presence back on base, to attend meeting after meeting. There were still many more to come, but he'd managed to slip away for a short while. 

He didn't have enough time to linger in the corridors, so he tapped lightly on the door. When there was no answer, he walked in anyway.

He hadn't expected Sam to be fully recovered so soon but he was still taken aback to see her looking so tired. The gashes on her cheeks and red-rimmed eyes stood out in sharp contrast to the pallor of her skin and her face seemed thinner after only a couple of days. Vulnerability wasn't something that Jack normally associated with Sam, and he wasn't happy to see it now.

She wasn't asleep. Blue eyes stared at him dully, neither welcoming him nor castigating him for entering without permission.

Jack sat down gingerly in the chair by her bed. "Carter."

"Sir."

He forced the fear from his voice, and the impatience too; Jack O'Neill didn't like being afraid. "How's the leg?"

She shrugged. "Janet says that she'll let me out in a couple of days, but I'll need to take it easy for a while. I'll take a week off or something."

Jack nodded slowly. "Well, good. That's great. Any plans?"

"I'm just going to take it easy."

"Right." Jack took a deep breath, restraining himself. Even though every fibre of him was screaming otherwise, maybe she had finally wised up and realised that she didn't have to push herself to a breaking point. Maybe she was going to take it easy. Maybe she was going to spend the week with her boyfriend.

He didn't want to ask. It was time for a change in tactics, anyway. "That's a shame, because I had a plan."

"Oh?"

"Yep. We were going to break you out: l was going to lure away Janet with the promise of chocolate, Daniel was going to distract all the nurses – how, I wasn't going to ask – and then Teal'c was going slip in and whisk you away to be plied with hot tea and chicken soup. And possibly whiskey."

She smiled, and satisfaction surged up within him until he realised that she was only moving his lips, and that her eyes were still vacant.

"Thank you for the offer, sir, but I'm okay here for another day or two." They sat without speaking again, Sam carefully studying the bedcovers and Jack carefully studying her, until he grew tired of the silence. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, but he wasn't sure she was ready for them yet.

Except she might never feel ready for them, and he didn't want that for her. She deserved more than years of pent-up feelings and nightmares that would wake her in the middle of the night. It was almost ironic, really. "Do you still dream about him?" Her head jerked upwards. "The super-soldier?"

She relaxed somewhat, face smooth under his scrutiny. "No, of course not." But he could still see the tension in her neck and shoulders, her muscles so taut that she was almost shaking. Jack began to move, caught himself, and then allowed his hand to continue towards hers. First their fingertips brushed, and then his fingers curled around hers.

A door slammed somewhere in the distance and she pulled her hand away. Jack followed her lead, letting his fingers trail along the blanket.

"Sir, I appreciate you visiting but I'm still very tired." Finally she met his eyes. "I need to rest now."

He stood, scraping his chair on the floor; the noise seemed very loud in the quiet room. "I'll come back to check on you later."

She turned her head to one side. "There's no need, sir."

He stared at her for a long time, suppressing his retort until saying it out loud was no longer imperative. "I'll stop by later." He turned and left the room.

--------

Except two meetings turned into three, and then into four, and at times it was hard to keep his mind on the fate of the Alpha Site and the Jaffa/Tok'ra Alliance, and away from the feel of her roughened fingertips beneath his own.

It was late by the time he escaped from the briefing room, very late. Jack paused outside Carter's door, stilling at the sound of sobs coming from within the room. His throat tightened and it was suddenly hard to swallow; as his hand reached for the door handle he heard Teal'c's voice, and that tightness became worse. He stepped away.

He was relieved, infinitely relieved that Sam had someone there for her, and that she was finally letting her guard down. And yet...

Sitting with his arm around her on that dusty battlefield, feeling the weight of her head resting on his shoulder... despite everything, it was a moment he treasured. Holding and comforting her as she cried would have been another.

--------

The room was silent, except for the noise of Carter tapping away on her keyboard. Daniel sat next to her bed, his nose buried in some book. Jack stared at them in exasperation.

"I leave you alone for a few hours and you get Daniel to sneak in your computer?"

Sam looked up. "Sir."

"Jack, you know how boring the infirmary gets. I just thought Sam would be happier if she had something to keep her busy."

Jack had to admire his wording and the look of innocence. "So you thought that she'd heal more quickly if she had something to distract her?"

Daniel's eyes darted down and then up again. "Well, Jack, there's more to healing than the physical."

He couldn't contain his exasperation. "Daniel."

Neither could Daniel. "Jack."

"Sir!" Jack's head whipped round. "I'm fine, I'm not too tired, I'm just working on my report."

"It can wait."

"Sir, I'm perfectly capable – "

"Carter, do I have to make that an order?"

There was silence. "No, sir."

Sam glared at him, and Jack was almost relieved. Having Carter angry with him wasn't that unusual; quiet, tired Carter on the other hand was far more worrying.

She folded up the laptop. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic."

They stared at each other. "So, sir, how are all your meetings going?"

"Thrilling, thank you. Just thrilling." Noting Daniel's smirk, Jack added, "Much like the sessions Daniel had with M'Zel and the Tok'ra, from what I've gathered."

Daniel cleared his throat. "Yes, thrilling probably is the best word to describe those meetings."

Sam smirked and Jack eyed her carefully, not entirely comfortable with her brighter mood. It seemed too sudden, even if he took into account the talk she'd had with Teal'c.

He glanced at his watch. "So, if I leave you two scientists alone, do you promise to play nicely?"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Yes, Jack, I promise that we'll be nice and quiet."

Sam merely smiled.

"Right." Jack hovered. He wished that Daniel would take the hint and give him and Carter a couple of minutes alone, but the archaeologist was flipping through one of his books again and was totally oblivious. Typical Daniel.

As he walked away down the corridor, he heard the clicking of keys on a laptop start up again.

--------

That evening when Jack returned, there was no clicking. He stood in the open doorway, watching as Sam stared at the computer screen without moving. She looked tired.

"Hey Carter."

"Sir." She looked up, and put aside the computer without him asking. "I didn't expect you to stop by again."

He strolled in and sat down, wishing that Air Force would invest some comfier chairs. "I was just wandering through, you know how it is." Her lips curved upward, and he felt the same flush of satisfaction that he did every time she smiled. "How's your leg?"

Her smile faded slightly and her eyes darkened. "It still hurts."

He cocked his head. "Do you need more pain meds? Because I could fetch someone –"

"I'm fine." She sounded determined, and he wasn't going to argue – he'd never been overly fond of taking too many painkillers himself.

"When's Janet letting you out?"

Sam looked impatient. "She said something about sending me home tomorrow at lunchtime, but you know how these things go. A few more tests, another night in."

"Sure." He paused. "So, are you going to relax next week, or did you just say that to keep your commanding officer happy?"

No upturned mouth, no quirk of the lips... nothing. "Sir, I promise to be ready for work when I come back on duty."

He raked a hand through his hair, idly noting that it needed cutting again. "I have no doubt that'll be true, but that's not what I'm worried about."

"Sir, you don't need to worry at all." She radiated duty and professionalism; any warmth between them was long gone. He didn't think was personal – she'd have probably pushed away anyone who came to see her, only she hadn't pushed away Daniel and maybe it was personal after all.

He hesitated. "You know, Carter, the guys and I could come round tomorrow. We could hang out, watch some movies, drink a few... sodas. Order junk food?" He shrugged. "How does that sound?"

"Sir, I appreciate the offer, but there's no need. Really. Besides, you'd never get the time off at the moment."

It was true that they were busy, but they could probably manage a half-day break. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Sir, if you don't mind, I'm rather tired and I need some – "

"Need some rest. Right." He stood, reluctantly. He should have been used to loaded silences and never being able to say what he wanted to, but sometimes it was hard. Sometimes it felt impossible. "Enjoy your leave, Carter."

He walked away.


End file.
